- Her? Really?
- Yeah.
- No, you're right. Ambition is the enemy of success. Ok, hit it!

from How I Met Your Mother

"It's gonna be legen- and I hope you are not lactose intolerant, 'cause the second half of that word is -dary!"

from How I Met Your Mother
Thanks to marabina.

'I want to go to a prom. I always think about missing mine. And I know I would have had a date because we lost the entire football team in a bus accident that year.'

from My Name is Earl

'Did you really punch the president of the Assassins' Guild?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Why?'
'Didn't have a dagger, sir.'

Feet of Clay, © Terry Pratchett

But it was keeping completely motionless in one place that was his forte. If there were a roll-call for the world's champion non-movers, he wouldn't even turn up.

Feet of Clay, © Terry Pratchett

'You have to admire a man who really believes in freedom of choice,' he said, looking at the open doorway. 'Sadly, he did not believe in angels.'

Going Postal, © Terry Pratchett

I dreamed all my life of working on the counter here! My grandmother taught me everything, she even made me practice sucking lemons to get the expression right!

Going postal, © Terry Pratchett

It is astonishing just how much of what we are can be tied to the beds we wake up in in the morning, and it is astonishing how fragile that can be.

Coraline, © Neil Gaiman

P.S.: thenexus6 owns a russian translation of Coraline which says: "Интересно, почему то, что снится нам ночью и кажется таким значительным, вдруг исчезает, стоит проснуться?"

ulitza гениальна. Я, как обычно, все пропустил.

обычно это перед слезами... Я ведь, знаешь, очень люблю плакать... Ты не плачешь, мальчики не плачут... А девочки плачут... я девочка... я плачу каждый вечер... И так боюсь пауков... Я думаю, что это вытесненное желание убийства родителей...Я читала у Фрейда, но не поверила- я , знаешь, на самом деле, такая недоверчивая...

'There is a proverbial saying chiefly concerned with warning against too closely calculating the numerical value of unhatched chicks,' pointed out Quintus.

Stardust, © Neil Gaiman

It's not the lies that screw people up, it's the finding out.

from My name is Earl series.

THAT IS NOT UP TO ME. Death coughed. OF COURSE... SINCE YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION... YOU'LL BE BJORN AGAIN.
He waited.
'Yes. That's right,' said Bjorn.

Men At Arms, © Terry Pratchett.

Her lips described several shapes without saying anything before she said, 'The female principle. It's an empowerment thing, you know.'
'Indeed. And this female principle of yours. Does she have a name?'
'She's the goddess within us all,' said the girl with the eyebrow ring, color rising to her cheek. 'She doesn't need a name.'

American Gods, © Neil Gaiman

'Hey,' said Shadow. 'Huginn or Muninn, or whoever you are.'
The bird turned, head tipped, suspiciously, on one side, and it stared at him with bright eyes.
'Say "Nevermore",' said Shadow.
'Fuck you,' said the raven.
American Gods, © Neil Gaiman

-- Let her go!
-- That's a very poor choice of words.

-- To do that, become an incident at Blackfriars Station. To end it
all. Your life's a joyless, loveless, empty sham. You've got no friends--
-- I've got you, -- whispered Richard. Gary appraised Richard with frank eyes.
-- I think you're an asshole, -- he said, honestly, -- a complete joke.
-- I've got Door, and Hunter, and Anaesthesia.
-- More imaginary 'friends'? We all used to laugh at you round the office for
those trolls. Remember them? On your desk.

Neverwhere, © Neil Gaiman

Чук Норрис © co-worker Arnaud

-- Come on, really. What's the big secret with these women?
-- Oh, boy. I really don't want to get into it.
-- They're hideous, right?
-- No.
-- Insufferable?
-- No.
-- Inflatable?

two and a half men, season 3

-- I mean, he did help Ann lose weight.
-- Peter, she's anorexic.
-- Yeah, I know. The guy is really good.
from Office space

-- What happened?
-- I don't know. It involves a part of human experience that has always eluded me.
-- That narrows it down.

Big Bang Theory, many thanks to thenexus6.